ZIP ZANG ZOWIE

Last weekend at the Rocky Mountain Women's Film Festival, Aan Evening of award Winning Shorts, there was one film in particular that struck me. It was a short (8 minute) film, it was spoken word. The Film was titled: "A Finger, Two Dots and Me" It was based off the following poem...

Enjoy.


Lying together in the park on Seventh,
our backs smoosh grass and I say
I will love you till I become a child again,
when feeding me and bathing me is no longer romantic,
but rather necessary.

I will love you till there is no till.
Till I die.
And when that electroencephalogram shuts down, baby
that’s when the real lovin’ kicks in.

Forgive me for sounding selfish
but I won’t be able to wait under the earth for you
(albeit a romantic thought for groundhogs,
gophers and the gooey worms).
I will not be able to wait for you…

but I will meet up with you
and here’s where you will find me:
get a pen–

Hold your finger up
(two fingers if your hands are frail by now)
and count two stars directly to the left
of the North American moon.
You will find me there.
You will find me darting behind amazing quasars
Behind flirtatious winks
of bright and blasting boom stars!

Sometimes charging so far into space
the darkness goes blue.
I will be there chasing sound waves
riding them like two-dollar pony ride horses
that have finally broken free and wild.
I will be facing backwards, lying sideways,
no hands, sidesaddle, sometimes standing
sometimes screaming zip zang zowie!
My God, it’s good to be back in space… Where is everybody?

You will recognize my voice.
You will see the flash of a fire trail
burning off the back of me
burning like a gasoline comet kerosene sapphire.
This is my voice.
Don’t look for my body or a ghost.
I’ll resemble more a pilot light than a man now.

I’m sure some will see
this cobalt star white light from earth
and cast me a wish like a wonder bomb.
And I’ll think “Hmmph. people still do that?”

I’m sure I’ll take the light wonder bombs
to the point in the universe
where sound does end.
The back porch of God’s summer home.

It’s so quiet here, you float.
It feels the way cotton candy tastes.

I say to him… why do I call you God?
He says ‘Because Grand Poobah sounds ridiculous.’
(Who knew he was so witty?)
I ask him ‘Lord, so many poets have tried to nail it and missed, what is holy?’

At that moment,
the planets begin to spin and awaken
and large movie screens appear on Mars, Saturn and Venus
each bearing images I have witnessed
and over each and every clip flashes the word holy.

armadillos–holy
magic tricks–holy
cows’ tongues–holy
snowballs upside the head–holy
clumsy first kisses–holy
sneaking into movies–holy
your mother teaching you to slow dance
the fear returning
the fear overcome–holy
eating top ramen on upside-down frisbees
cause it was either plates or more beer–holy
drunk beach cruiser nights–holy
the $5.00 you made in vegas
and the $450.00 you lost–holy
the last time you were nervous holding hands–holy
feeling God at a pool hall but not church–holy
sleeping during your uncle’s memorized dinner prayer–holy
losing your watch in the waves and all that signifies–holy
the day you got to really speak to your father cause the television broke–holy
the day your grandmother told you something meaningful
cause she was dying–holy
the medicine
the hope
the blood
the fear
the trust
the crush
the work
the loss
the love
the test
the birth
the end
the finale
the design
in the stars
is the same
in our hearts
the design
in the stars
is the same
in our hearts
in the rebuilt machinery of our hearts

So love, you should know what to look for
and exactly where to go…

Take your time and don’t worry about getting lost.
You’ll find me.
Up there, a finger and two dots away.
If you’re wondering if I’ll still be able to hold you
…I honestly don’t know

But I do know that I could still fall for
a swish of light that comes barreling
and cascading towards me.

It will resemble your sweet definite hands.
The universe will bend.
The planets will bow.
And I will say “Oh, there you are. I been waitin’ for ya. Now we can go.”

And the two pilot lights go zoooooooom
into the black construction paper night

as somewhere else
two other lovers lie down on their backs and say
“What the hell was that?”

-Derrick Brown, Beat Poet

2010 Events

My planned events for 2010 are:

January 1: Rescue Run 10K

January 17: Reverend Horton Heat @ The Black Sheep


(Tentative) February 3--? Escape to Belize

February 12: MY BIRTHDAY. Rumor has it there is a party planned for another
Lincoln baby in Manitou Springs, I’ll be crashing that party.

February 13: Manitou Springs Mardi Gras celebration. I will apologize now to my liver for how I will be abusing it that weekend.

March 6: English Beat and Fishbone @ Gothic Theater in Denver

March 7: English Beat @ Belly Up! In Aspen

June 5: Highlands Ranch “Tune-up” Triathlon

June 6: Elephant Rock Cycling Festival – Century Bike Ride

June 13: Mini Ha-Ha Triathlon

June 19: 20 Year High School Reunion (ouch!)


June 26-27: MS150 bike ride

July 25-31: RAGBRAI


August 15: Muddy Buddy


August 29: (two conflicting events)
Irongirl triathlon (my first open water swim tri—If I chose this event)
Venus De Miles 65 mile bike ride

September 4: Tenderfoot Mountain Triathlon


October 17: Nike half marathon in San Francisco. (Can you say tuxedo clad Firemen with Tiffany’s necklaces for finishers?—YUM!)


I did not list my snowboarding weekend plans. Let's just say every weekend and some week days January-March 2010 will be in the mountains taking advantage of my pass.

Happy Birthday Bawj!

Today would have been my childhood best friend’s birthday.

She would have been 38.

Her death 21 years ago wrecked me. That was my first experience with true grief, heartbreak, and sorrow.

The lessons I learned since then have made me the resilient person I am today.

People often comment on the level of my ability to heal and be healed. I truly believe the experiences I went through with Libby taught me how.

Rarely does a day go by that I don’t think of her.

Love the people in your life, hold them close and live, laugh and embrace every day.

Also, Never pass up the opportunity to share a laugh and create an inside joke with your friends.

Wanderlust

An old dear friend has come to visit.
His name is Wonderlust
In my search for my next adventure, next chapter, new beginning
He is guiding me to look at other places of residence
Not a lot is holding me in the town in which I live
In fact, lately I have felt like Alice in the shrinking room.
The City is shrinking around me
I see too many people I know,
Know more than I should
The anonymity I used to adore has disappeared.
This may be the growth I crave and need to embrace it.

Tenderfoot Mountain Triathlon Race Report

The trip to Salida started Friday afternoon with my parents rolling into town around 1:30 and me skipping out of work with no one noticing after my last meeting at 1pm.

We grabbed lunch at Paninos and headed onto Salida for the awaiting 'Adventure in Pain' for myself and the 'Adventure of Support' for my parents. As a support crew they were troopers I tell ya. Not many parents would give up their entire holiday weekend for their crazy, adult daughter’s goal to torture herself for hours on end, and they get to clap and cheer along the way.

I had made reservations in the swanky Circle R Motel weeks in advance to make sure we all had a place to lay our weary heads.

After much deliberation for dinner we decided to go with an old stand by, consistently good, very vegetarian friendly Twisted Cork. I had introduced my father to this gem of a restaurant this past ski season and he was anxious to take his wife; my step-mother Betty, there. She is a Vegan and me being a Vegetarian, and my father a full on Carnivore, we all were able to find delicious grub for our dinner. We all had a busy day planned for the next day. We needed to get to bed early.

I slept alright considering I had a gazillion butterflies breeding in my stomach. My bike was propped next to my bed, I had images of oversleeping and my alarms not going off (note I said alarms—I set three-just in case). The alarms were set for 4 am in order for me to wake up, eat, ride my bike to the aquatic center, set up my transition area, go to the bathroom—three times, and be ready for my estimated start time of 7:55am.

The plan was my dad and Betty would arrive at the pool around 7:35 am and I would hand my watch to my dad to time my swim and he would hand it back on my way to transition.

I was disappointed and concerned that we were not allowed to warm up in the pool before the initial start. Going in with cold muscles did not make my nerves settle one bit. I was used to the distance of swim (1000 meters), I do it 5 times a week, but never in a hot springs pool (~85 degrees), and I knew the lack of warm up, regardless of my morning bike ride would bite me in the end. And it did.

A lot of people must have had issues getting up or making it to the swim start because my estimated start time was bumped up to 7:20, because so many people were late or no shows. This was only 5 minutes after I ate my Gu, which I calculated to eat 15 minutes prior. Luckily, my parents came in as I was heading to the water so I was able to pass my watch off to my dad ready to start the clock.

Side note: I have a thing for needing data. It’s weird. My friends and family have come to accept it about me. I need to have my times as I am doing things. It is what I do. The watch is a MAJOR thing for me.

I started out with a great set of lane mates, I was the fastest so in the first couple laps I passed to the front and we all kept at an even tempo, then by lap 14 I hit a wall, I had to let them pass and the distance between us grew with every lap. By lap 14 I was ¼ of a lap behind the other two in my lane. Not bad, but I could feel the fatigue.

I was happy to get out of the pool and head to my bike.

As I was running out of the pool I heard my friend Tina yelling and cheering with my Dad and Betty.

As I was drying off and prepping for my bike ride my support team was there to talk to me and calm me down. My dad learned in my first triathlon, I don’t mind being talked to, it was nice that the transition area was open and the idle chit chat helped calm my nerves as I raced to get my cycling shorts, jersey, number and shoes on.

Off I went…

The 25 mile bike ride was a two mile loop that we did twice, it had one large climb, one great decent followed by a sharp right hand turn, and a smaller climb towards the end.

It was during the bike ride I realized what an amazing set of athletes compete in this triathlon. Never have I seen so many encouraging people on a course. Everyone was cheering everyone else on. Later I learned this is one of the harder olympic distance triathlons in the state and the camaraderie was amazing out on course.

I am thankful I didn’t know the difficulty of the course when I signed up, I may have chickened out.

Considering there were only 103 participants, there were many times you would go for a mile or 4 without seeing another rider.

It was a neat surprise to find my parents along the route cheering me on. Almost like “Where’s Waldo?” I didn’t know where they would pop out next. Later I learned that they had seen me on the long climb but did not let me know they were watching me from behind, because it was long, hard and brutal, but I did it, in a sick way liked it, and enjoyed the decent in which I earned.
(my dad at the end of the decent pointing me towards my turn)

As I came in from my last lap on the bike I saw my friend Chery standing near the transition area.
Another cheerleader!
She told me later she had JUST arrived and was afraid she missed me.

I felt great!!! Although there was a bathroom issue brewing in my belly that I didn’t know how to deal with. (sorry, TMI)

Once again I came into transition and I am now feeling all the work I have been putting out, I also needed a potty. (again, To Much Information, I apologize)

I got my running gear on and headed back out on course, Chery gave me a hug as I ducked under the tape for the Porta-potty. Yeah, not gonna happen…time to run. (here my dad is again, cheering me along)

Although my legs were having an issue getting into it. So I trotted the first half mile until I came upon a concrete path that would lead me to the boat ramp in town, then up a mountain.
That concrete path was my nemesis and in the end it won.
I could not run on it without extreme pain in my shins and ankles, knowing I had another race two days later and not wanting to get injured, I gave in and fast walked the first and last 2 miles. I did my best to run up the mountain and back to the concrete path, in which I fast walked again. (we ran around the right side and backside of this mountain, to the top and back down via service road)

There was a water station at the boat ramp that sounded like a good idea until I took a small sip (cold water) and almost immediately barfed. Bad idea

Instead I kept going, and going.
Meanwhile, my support team was napping.

Finally, I came off the concrete path and it was 4-6 short blocks to the finish line. I pushed and gave it all I had, which wasn’t much at this point.

But I gave it, like a junkie handing over their last dollars they earned donating plasma.
I handed over all energy to that finish line.

(If you look closely, I am the little runner wearing the purple swim suit and black skirt)

Which I crossed.

Strong

Still running

(sort of)

Then was greeted by my family and friends.

At this point I was Done, Finit, Spent.

And I cried

Final time: 3:59:19

Betty then said to me “well now you have done it, you never have to do it again”

I replied: “well not until next year at least”


(My Cheering Section)
(Do dead people laugh and smile? I think I will be smiling when I die, I smile all the time while I am alive, why not?

Breaking Up

Dear Sugar,

We have had a long term affair going on as you know, over 35 years to be exact. I am proud to say I am ready to let you go and move on.

When I was younger, it was a secret affair, my parents tried to keep you away from me as much as possible, but I snuck you in sodas and candy bars and holidays. You know, I always let you in when my mom and dad weren’t watching. As I became an adult you were with me everyday. . I will not even tell you what my dentist warned me about you all these years. It isn’t very nice. In the past few years I have seen your intentions have not been healthy for me and I still managed to make excuses for my love of you.

It is now time for me to say good-bye. In the past nine days, over our trial separation, I have come to realize how much my life is better without you, I have lost weight, my athletic performance has improved and I am now enjoying the craving free days that follow.

I know you will find someone else, in fact there are many people I know that have told me they have the same love affair with you, so I know losing me won’t hurt you too much.

You are the sweetest thing I know, but I am ready to live life less sweet.

-Vargasgirl

My Motivation

Two years ago a person very close to me found out he was sick. This news hit him and his family hard. A new father with two small daughters, a wife and a thriving business, bad news was not something he was used too, much less something so personal. As personal as you can get, this was his life.

He was the athlete, the one that could do anything he tried on the first try. Not only accomplishing but doing it well, having corporate sponsorships as a teenager was not a dream or a challenge it was his reality. He lived a charmed life, still does.

Recently, in the past year he has become victorious over his battle with the debilitating disease that has tried to slow him down.

The great thing about the human brain, it can and relearn thing, but in the mean time. No running, no bike riding, no mountain climbing, snowboarding and wakeboarding are like jumping back 20 years. Or as he told me, fast forward to being an 80 year old person in a body that looks 33, but acts 80. Can you imagine going to bed one night and waking up the next day feeling like you aged 50 years?

Neither can I

However; What I can do is pick up where he left off. I may not be as athletic, but I can sure as hell try.

That is my motivation, to do because others can not (especially someone I love).

How the World Turns, and Turns

When you think you have something to worry about, look at someone else’s life and listen to their worries. They make yours seem so much less.

This past weekend my father called me from ‘The Twin Cities’ (Minneapolis/St. Paul). I assumed he was just up there visiting family. He called to console me about some bad news I had gotten at work (more to come on that when I have definite news). Turns out he was hanging out in a hospital with his brother and sister becoming a human pin cushion, seeing if he is an acceptable kidney donor for his brother.
If all goes well, next spring my father may be working with one less kidney and my uncle may have one perfectly good functioning one, chillin back on the beach at his home in Puerto Rico..
This will all happen after ski season of course. My father may be selfless enough to give a kidney, but don’t take away his passion of skiing. That is going too far, a man has to have his limits

At the same time as I am having this conversation with my dad, my best friend was visiting her mom for her birthday, while her mother is in a battle with the Big C.

All the while other family members and people I love are all battling their own wars with illness, disease, addiction and heartbreak.

Depressing?

Na, I am fortunate to have all these people in my life, only a phone call or a short visit away. We certainly laugh, cry and enjoy every day we have together. Because that is the thing about life, No one gets out alive.

I may have some big life changes lurking, but for now I have my health, happiness, and an abundance of friends and family that love and support me. Not to mention a crazy dog a homicidal cat that provides endless hours of entertainment.

Stay tuned for the next episode…

Finding Peace

Alarm blaring at 5:15 am is painful.

Once I get to see this view.


The pain is replaced.

To make this view tolerable

Current 1000 meter swim stat: 24:09

Quotes

My Quote for the day:
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”--Nathaniel Brandon

My Quote for the Coming Weeks:
“Change is the essence of life.Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.”--Unknown

My Quote for Life:
“We must become the change we want to see.”--Mahatma Gandhi

4 Years

I would have completely missed this day had it not been for an email sent to me by Colorado Quit Net
4 years ago I quit smoking…

The idea that I used to smoke at all is so foreign to me.
I can honestly say I would never ever smoke another cigarette.

Here are my stat’s:

Your Quit Date is: Monday, August 01, 2005 at 10:00:00 PM
Time Smoke-Free: 1460 days, 7 hours, 55 minutes and 35 seconds
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 21905
Lifetime Saved: 5 months, 17 days, 7 hours
Money Saved: $4,383.00

That is a lot of time, smokes and scrilla!

True Confessions

Okay, here we go:
True confession.
I love watching the Tour De France. When E and I were dating he got me addicted. I used to joke I was excited to met a guy that didn’t care about football, but come July he was glued to my TV since I had cable and he didn’t. I joked he was obsessed. In all honesty, I was getting hooked and looked forward to each stage. Last year while riding on RAGBRAI there was one evening I remember, riding into a small town we rode into that only had one bar and one public television. I caught myself looking through the window while standing on my tiptoes on the sidewalk to see a glimpse of what I missed while I was riding my bike. There was no chance of getting inside. So instead of finding food that night, I sat on the sidewalk and called home for Tour updates. Sad, I knew then I was hooked.

I personally have never cared much for football, the Superbowl, World Series, world cup etc (with the exception of The Stanley cup--don’t mess with Hockey)…But the Tour…Well, ya. I am finding myself glued to Versus and wondering who will win the next stage? Who will get busted for doping this year? I am to a huge Lance Armstrong fan, I know, sue me. However; I am amazed that he is riding the tour now and still plans to ride (and according to him, win) The Leadville 100 mountain bike race next month.. I go to sea level for a week and get my ass handed to me while riding with JJS in Steamboat the next weekend. I can not even imagine. Then again that is why I am paid for my brain and not my brawn.

But I still love watching the tour and second confession, I think Bob Roll is cute. I watch the commentary because of him. He cracks me up in a silly kinda way.
Enough confessions for one evening.

Tonight: PUNK ROCKS! (and a peek into a past life…)

The Vandals at Red Rocks…along with The Offspring and others

The Vandals: Last time I saw them perform, was at Penny Lane coffee house in Boulder Co in 1998. It was a small punk rock show. Babes in Toyland opened for them.

That was along time ago. Also a long time ago I was a teenager living in a college town with not a lot to do. So a bunch of us would “produce” small punk rock shows. My part of the production process was small. I was in charge of copying off copies of the fliers and distribution.

My step father had an insurance office and I had a key and access to a lot of paper (uh, sorry Larry—If you are reading this now. I guess this is one of those childhood secrets I just let loose. I wasn’t REALLY doing homework in your office all those evenings--I am busted)

Anyways, I digress. We had a lot of small garage type punk bands perform at our shows. Many faded away over time but a few actually made it “big” – The Offspring was one of those bands. I have not seen them perform since they were playing for us and 50 of our “friends” we charged $4 to get in the door, the venue was a vacant office space we rented for the evening next door to Front Range Records on College Ave. Some of the other bands that played for us in those years: Social Joke, Libido Boys, Green Day, 7Seconds, No Doubt, All, Descendants, and many many more…

There are lots of stories and fun times from those years…Someday I will write them all down along with the bands that I met, listened too and drove around to and from the gig’s in my Blue VW Rabbit…Good times (Nuclear mom—you may need to help me with that…Since my memory is shady…I was not kind to my mind/body in those years)

As for tonight…I am excited to relive a little of my youth in a MUCH larger Venue…and I doubt I will be anywhere near the mosh pit. Instead, I will be that “old person’ the kids will wonder where I could have ever heard of such punk bands…oh if they only knew…

It's Oh So Quiet...

The story of my life...



Minus the male dancers.

Note to self: Aquire Male Dancers wearing only underwear...

In the past year:

A year ago today I experienced one of, if not the most frightening experience of my life.



You can read about it here.

The lesson I immediately learned was I am thrilled to be alive and life is short and each day is to be lived to the fullest.

Tell the people you love you love them and hold them close. Get rid of negative influences in your life and most of all...LIVE!



In the past year I have: loved, lost, stagnated, grown, awakened, been inspired, blessed, hurt, deceived, disappointed, surprised, overjoyed, outraged, had new experiences, experienced the familiar. Along with a thousand other adjectives, emotions, feelings and experiences and accomplishments.

People close to me have been born and other people have passed from this life. Others have gotten sick while others healed. All the while I was fortunate to be a part and witness this thing called Life.



AMAZING!

Happy 2009!

In 2008 I learned many lessons. To name a few:

Friends new and old are some of the best treasures a person can have

Be grateful for everyday, life can change in an instant. Seriously, I learned this first hand this year.

Be grateful for everyone in your life, they may not be around tomorrow.

Training a smart dog is a lot tougher than training a dumb one

Dogs and Cats don’t always get along

Riding your bike for 7 straight days, over 500 miles, with 30,000 strangers is something everyone should experience at sometime in their lives.

I can not survive on fried, salty, fast food for more than three meals in a row.

I can however, survive on Granola bars, Nuts, Dried fruit and chocolate for days.

One of the best feelings in the world is holding a newborn baby nephew and having them reach out to touch your face.

Trust is a hard thing to maintain, especially with your hairdresser. Use caution when stating the words “I trust you”—ESPECIALLY when you hair is involved.

When all else fails, Champagne helps!

There are many more…

Welcome 2009!!!

Keeping it Ghetto:

Before I write anymore, I need to put a disclaimer here. I live in a great neighborhood, I really do. I feel safe, and relatively there is low crime. But for whatever reason, if there is going to be a murder or stabbing, it seems to happen around my house.

In November 2005 the police shot a wanted criminal literally right in front of my house.

On February 1, 2007: My friendly, neighborhood crack whore that was the punch-line of so many of my stories, stabbed her son over cigarettes. Side note: This was the night of E's and I's first date, making for an interesting evening no doubt.

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I heard that last night there was a stabbing in the central area of Colorado Springs, sure enough, It was at the Co-housing complex across the street from my house. This was not a random stabbing, it was a family dispute that got out of control. Sad.

Things that make you go hmmm:
Three for Three
Three murders in three years, all within 300 feet of my front door.

Read the news story here

Girlfriends Get-A-Way

This weekend I got the opportunity to reconnect with some old girlfriends. These are girls I have not seen since I was 18 years old, *ahem* eighteen or so years ago. LL, AGM and I decided to meet up in Keystone, thanks to LL arranging a condo rental.

It was fun to get together and catch up. Unfortunately I was too busy talking, eating, and drinking to take any pictures. I am kicking myself now.

It is so fun to see and listen to the stories our lives have taken us all. None of us got too far away, but far enough from our hometown to create our new lives with the tools we all received during the times we spent together last. We have discovered selves that are not defined by the high school we went to, the clothes we wore, the neighborhood we lived in or the people we hung out with. We are now the people we decided to become. What an amazing thing.

I have always been a believer that we make impacts on everyone’s lives we touch, and many times we never learn, or even know for that matter the impact we made.

I am lucky that I have the most amazing friends in my life, both from my childhood, and all through my adulthood so far.

As for my impact on my friends? My claim to fame I learned this weekend, Sautéed Honey Nut Cheerios. The legend lives on. Who would have guessed an afternoon culinary experiment in my parents kitchen when I was 12 years old would be the thing that another girlfriend remembers most, and now serve to their children. AWESOME!!!

Time to fry up some Cheerios...

Rough

It has been a rough week.

Yesturday I had to say goodbye to a close friend that passed away suddenly.

I have a lot to report on, the fall colors, E and I's weekend in Durango, my sisters wedding and a final farewell to my friend Kelly.

I'll post some of these things when I am feeling a little more open and a little less drained and raw.

In the meantime, Enjoy a picture of my favorite baboshka kitty...



Bella, planning her attack on me when I least expect it...

Homemade Gifts for Small People

Approximately 4.5 years ago my best friend told me she and her husband were expecting their first child. I wanted to make something special for her and her new baby.

I started cross stitching

A few months later my Carpal Tunnel issues got to be unbearable. I traded in stitching for massage therapy, accupunture, and physical therapy, and eventually dual surgerys on my hands (but hat is a WHOLE other story)

I recuperated

I started stitching again.

My friend had another baby.

Her son is now 4 and her daughter is now past her first birthday.

The gifts have changed some.

This weekend I presented her with her baby’s gifts. A yellow Super-hero Cape for her oldest. The completed baby quilt for her youngest.

I was told her son’s favorite color was yellow, and unbeknownst to me just the week before he had been asking his mom what he could use as a cape.

The night that she got home and gave her son the gift I had made for him I got the best phone call I have had in a long time. A sweet, excited voice on the other end of my phone filled with excitement telling me how much he loves his super-hero cape and now he can fly. I asked if he was ready to rid the world of all evil now that he was an official super-hero. He responded “no, I think I’ll just fly around”.



I like that, not all super hero's need to save the world, We need some to just fly around...