Less Than Zero

In the past week I lost two people, one a family member I always loved and admired and one an old flame that I had written off years ago when his lifestyle and mine didn’t seem to mesh together any longer.

Grief is a funny thing, I can be abnormally stoic to a point, and then like a steamroller out of control it hits me.

Hard.

Through these times I am reminded of lessons learned, people’s impressions left on our lives and other relationships formed because of these people.

Also my emotional compass has been spinning like a top.

Rest in Peace Aunt Judy. You were always a bright light to me and taught me invaluable lessons like never care what people think of you and never apologize for speaking your mind. And the most amusing lesson you taught me, while in the Caribbean underwear is prohibited. Noted. You lived life to its fullest and I can only hope to live mine like you did yours.

Rest in Peace Greg Flack. You were my first boyfriend, I was the first to break your heart. I hope your soul has found the peace you desperately searched for all these years. I can only hope your children also find peace and comfort knowing their father is no longer fighting the demons he fought for so many years. I can’t help to be angry with you also. I am sure you expected that.

Thank you to my old and recent friends for their love, support and understanding through this really fucked up time. One lesson I have recently learned is throughout my life I have chosen amazing people to surround myself with. You all mean so much to me.

Thank you.

Tonight: PUNK ROCKS! (and a peek into a past life…)

The Vandals at Red Rocks…along with The Offspring and others

The Vandals: Last time I saw them perform, was at Penny Lane coffee house in Boulder Co in 1998. It was a small punk rock show. Babes in Toyland opened for them.

That was along time ago. Also a long time ago I was a teenager living in a college town with not a lot to do. So a bunch of us would “produce” small punk rock shows. My part of the production process was small. I was in charge of copying off copies of the fliers and distribution.

My step father had an insurance office and I had a key and access to a lot of paper (uh, sorry Larry—If you are reading this now. I guess this is one of those childhood secrets I just let loose. I wasn’t REALLY doing homework in your office all those evenings--I am busted)

Anyways, I digress. We had a lot of small garage type punk bands perform at our shows. Many faded away over time but a few actually made it “big” – The Offspring was one of those bands. I have not seen them perform since they were playing for us and 50 of our “friends” we charged $4 to get in the door, the venue was a vacant office space we rented for the evening next door to Front Range Records on College Ave. Some of the other bands that played for us in those years: Social Joke, Libido Boys, Green Day, 7Seconds, No Doubt, All, Descendants, and many many more…

There are lots of stories and fun times from those years…Someday I will write them all down along with the bands that I met, listened too and drove around to and from the gig’s in my Blue VW Rabbit…Good times (Nuclear mom—you may need to help me with that…Since my memory is shady…I was not kind to my mind/body in those years)

As for tonight…I am excited to relive a little of my youth in a MUCH larger Venue…and I doubt I will be anywhere near the mosh pit. Instead, I will be that “old person’ the kids will wonder where I could have ever heard of such punk bands…oh if they only knew…

Girlfriends Get-A-Way

This weekend I got the opportunity to reconnect with some old girlfriends. These are girls I have not seen since I was 18 years old, *ahem* eighteen or so years ago. LL, AGM and I decided to meet up in Keystone, thanks to LL arranging a condo rental.

It was fun to get together and catch up. Unfortunately I was too busy talking, eating, and drinking to take any pictures. I am kicking myself now.

It is so fun to see and listen to the stories our lives have taken us all. None of us got too far away, but far enough from our hometown to create our new lives with the tools we all received during the times we spent together last. We have discovered selves that are not defined by the high school we went to, the clothes we wore, the neighborhood we lived in or the people we hung out with. We are now the people we decided to become. What an amazing thing.

I have always been a believer that we make impacts on everyone’s lives we touch, and many times we never learn, or even know for that matter the impact we made.

I am lucky that I have the most amazing friends in my life, both from my childhood, and all through my adulthood so far.

As for my impact on my friends? My claim to fame I learned this weekend, Sautéed Honey Nut Cheerios. The legend lives on. Who would have guessed an afternoon culinary experiment in my parents kitchen when I was 12 years old would be the thing that another girlfriend remembers most, and now serve to their children. AWESOME!!!

Time to fry up some Cheerios...

High School Flashback

Since NM posted this on her blog months ago...I did a little cropping and finally decided to show the world what I looked like in High School. Fort Collins High School Boosters Dance circa 1989.

There are SO many funny parts of this picture.

--Ah, the dresses. In attempting to be unique and inspired by John Hughes films, both NM and I altered our dressed to make sure they had that special touch of individuality and show proof how creative we were. I asked a friend to make me my hat. It matched the cumberbunt of the dress I designed, and sewed. Can anyone say Pretty in Pink? We were Pretty in Black and looking back, more cheesy than cool. Oh well, coolness was never my forte.

--The hair. Yes, my bangs were down to my chin and straight normally, for this dance I spent HOURS curling the poorly bleached, orange strands of hair to sit just right on my head and around my green satin beret type hat. NM, had amazing long and naturally red hair. I was the one that couldn't put the dye bottle down.

--The cheesy grin. I think I had that grin because I couldn’t breath. Remember, I made my cumberbunt and I wasn’t too good about sizing it. I remember holding my breath most of the night.

--Did I really admit, not once, but twice I wore a cumberbunt? Hey…it was the 80’s what can I say? At least I was over my turquoise mascara phase by this time...

(NM—back atcha, I told ya I would post it :) -- eventually)