Less Than Zero

In the past week I lost two people, one a family member I always loved and admired and one an old flame that I had written off years ago when his lifestyle and mine didn’t seem to mesh together any longer.

Grief is a funny thing, I can be abnormally stoic to a point, and then like a steamroller out of control it hits me.

Hard.

Through these times I am reminded of lessons learned, people’s impressions left on our lives and other relationships formed because of these people.

Also my emotional compass has been spinning like a top.

Rest in Peace Aunt Judy. You were always a bright light to me and taught me invaluable lessons like never care what people think of you and never apologize for speaking your mind. And the most amusing lesson you taught me, while in the Caribbean underwear is prohibited. Noted. You lived life to its fullest and I can only hope to live mine like you did yours.

Rest in Peace Greg Flack. You were my first boyfriend, I was the first to break your heart. I hope your soul has found the peace you desperately searched for all these years. I can only hope your children also find peace and comfort knowing their father is no longer fighting the demons he fought for so many years. I can’t help to be angry with you also. I am sure you expected that.

Thank you to my old and recent friends for their love, support and understanding through this really fucked up time. One lesson I have recently learned is throughout my life I have chosen amazing people to surround myself with. You all mean so much to me.

Thank you.

RIP Mr. Salinger

Growing up reading was not my favorite thing to do. With a speech impediment, and many years of speech therapy, reading out loud was my nemesis. Reading felt like a punishment. I hated it. Having hated reading out loud, lead to not enjoying reading at all.

Then one day in junior high school (somewhere around 12-13 years old) I saw a book in the library titled “Catcher in the Rye”. The title caught my eye and I ignored it.

The next week, while walking home from school, my best friend told me in her Advanced English class, (unlike me, she liked to read). They were reading “Catcher in the Rye”. The next day I walked into the library, and walked out with the book. I didn’t necessarily check it out. Don’t ask me why. I had a strange rebellious streak.

I read the book over the course of a weekend and now our 2.5 mile walks home were consumed of talking and quoting from this book, discussions of what Holden Caulfield would be like in person and how we both dreamed of meeting a boy like that. When other girls were oogling boys in school, we both developed huge crushes on Holden Caulfield. I still have a strange school-girl crush on this fictional character. I read that stolen copy over a dozen times before it found a new owner in my collegiate years. Ironically it was stolen from me. A book that good tends to grow legs.

I believe karma has paid me back for my stealing of my original copy. I have since bought more than a half-dozen copies of this book as gifts for my nieces and nephews and anyone that has ever said they have not read this book. It is a must read.

Because of “Catcher in the Rye”, I learned that reading can be enjoyable and sometimes I can relate to the characters. Because of J.D Salingers writing, I developed a love affair with reading.

RIP Holden Caulfield. I hope they throw you in a river or something and no-one brings you flowers when you’re dead. Who wants flowers when their dead anyways? Nobody.

Happy Birthday Bawj!

Today would have been my childhood best friend’s birthday.

She would have been 38.

Her death 21 years ago wrecked me. That was my first experience with true grief, heartbreak, and sorrow.

The lessons I learned since then have made me the resilient person I am today.

People often comment on the level of my ability to heal and be healed. I truly believe the experiences I went through with Libby taught me how.

Rarely does a day go by that I don’t think of her.

Love the people in your life, hold them close and live, laugh and embrace every day.

Also, Never pass up the opportunity to share a laugh and create an inside joke with your friends.

Justice NOT Served

Today the woman who killed Jayson and EJ was sentenced to 3 years in prison, which we all know means in a little over a year she will be free again.

You can read my blog from this horrible incident here.

Our judicial system stinks!

Keeping it Ghetto:

Before I write anymore, I need to put a disclaimer here. I live in a great neighborhood, I really do. I feel safe, and relatively there is low crime. But for whatever reason, if there is going to be a murder or stabbing, it seems to happen around my house.

In November 2005 the police shot a wanted criminal literally right in front of my house.

On February 1, 2007: My friendly, neighborhood crack whore that was the punch-line of so many of my stories, stabbed her son over cigarettes. Side note: This was the night of E's and I's first date, making for an interesting evening no doubt.

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I heard that last night there was a stabbing in the central area of Colorado Springs, sure enough, It was at the Co-housing complex across the street from my house. This was not a random stabbing, it was a family dispute that got out of control. Sad.

Things that make you go hmmm:
Three for Three
Three murders in three years, all within 300 feet of my front door.

Read the news story here

Rough

It has been a rough week.

Yesturday I had to say goodbye to a close friend that passed away suddenly.

I have a lot to report on, the fall colors, E and I's weekend in Durango, my sisters wedding and a final farewell to my friend Kelly.

I'll post some of these things when I am feeling a little more open and a little less drained and raw.

In the meantime, Enjoy a picture of my favorite baboshka kitty...



Bella, planning her attack on me when I least expect it...

Random Topic for Discussion

Yesterday in a weekly staff meeting we had an interesting topic of discussion. See, once a week my team of 5 will get a room, we address agenda topics, issues with our account and other work related matters, and the last 30 minutes or left over time we sometimes go off on strange conversation tangents since it is the one time during the week we are away from our desks, computers and daily work. In the spring time we would discuss gardening tips , in the winter, winter driving skills, who knows where these discussions may lead. It is always interesting, random, unplanned and I feel like it builds a personal team rapport. We get to know each other outside of our work titles. Yesterday was no different.

One person made comment that they had to go to the doctor in the afternoon and they (jokingly) stated the doctor may tell them they only have 6 months to live.

This brought up the question: “if you were told you only had 6 months to live, would you come to work the next day?”

I was surprised by the response. I was the only person that stated, not only NO, but HELL NO! If I was told I had 6 months to live, the last thing I would do would be spend my last days in the office. No offense co-workers, love ya, but I gotta go.

The arguments most people on my team had revolved around families and they needed to support their families in their dying months. My thought was, even more of a reason to not be at work, spend time with your families.

I guess I think differently than most people.

So Sad

I have thought of many different ways to write this post, but I figured others said it better than me.

Bottom line, two more cyclists were killed this week in Colorado Springs, by a person abusing drugs none-the-less. I am angry, sad, and full of mixed emotions. I was an acquaintance of EJ and knew of Jayson.

Last night was a very emotional memorial bike ride from Wooglins Deli to the crime scene on 26th street. It was amazing to see how many people came out in the rain to ride for these guys, how the police gave help by blocking traffic and offering support.

Over 100 people showed up for the ride and even more were waiting with at the crime scene. The cycling community in the Springs is a very tight one, and to lose two lives in such a senseless manner is emotionally shattering.

My heart aches.

Details can be read here, and some other friends have written blogs here and here.

There are so many things I can write about, the survivalists, the senseless-ness, the almosts...I think I’ll leave this post here.

Ragbrai Day 1 Report

Setting: Harlan, Iowa
Time: 8pm
Miles ridden today to get here: 58
Temp: Much better now that I am sitting in an air conditioned trailer stalling around on a computer taking advantage of free internet access (did I mention Air conditioning?)
Plan for tomorrow: wake up, pack up camp and be on the bike before 5 am for minimum 87 mile day. Seriously considering doing the century loop.
Status of my bum: Not too bad...yet
Beers waiting to be consumed tonight: a few

Over all the experience has proved to be everything I hoped. Before arriving in Iowa my biggest fear was the heat and humidity. Now I am learning my biggest challenge over the next 6 days will be nutrition. Iowa still has yet to really grasp the concept of vegetarian cuisine.

Okay, my computer time is up. Hopefully I will get to update again later

Lynette Knackstedt

I learned today that Lynette Knackstedt passed away Dec. 7, 2007. I was surfing youtube videos for old Skankin’ Pickle videos and came across a comment that said “RIP Lynette”. I was surprised by this and continued to do a google search where I learned that she had indeed passed away. The details aren't clear except that she passed away in her current bands recording space. She was 37 years old.

Lynette was the guitarist and back-up vocalist for the band Skankin' Pickle, and then went on to perform in 78 RPM.

I consider myself lucky that at one point in my life I could call Lynette a friend. Over the past 10 years our communication faded. Unfortunately this tends to happen when people move, bands break-up, relationships break-up and addresses and phone numbers change. Even so Lynette was one of those people who you never forgot. She had a way of making everyone around her laugh and want to spend time with her. She truly was a great lady. My life is richer knowing I got to share laughs with such an amazing person.

I don’t know what else to say. I have typed and erased a million different things, all I am left with is the world lost an amazing person, musician, and friend oh too soon.