Monday, March 22, 2010

Less Than Zero

In the past week I lost two people, one a family member I always loved and admired and one an old flame that I had written off years ago when his lifestyle and mine didn’t seem to mesh together any longer.

Grief is a funny thing, I can be abnormally stoic to a point, and then like a steamroller out of control it hits me.

Hard.

Through these times I am reminded of lessons learned, people’s impressions left on our lives and other relationships formed because of these people.

Also my emotional compass has been spinning like a top.

Rest in Peace Aunt Judy. You were always a bright light to me and taught me invaluable lessons like never care what people think of you and never apologize for speaking your mind. And the most amusing lesson you taught me, while in the Caribbean underwear is prohibited. Noted. You lived life to its fullest and I can only hope to live mine like you did yours.

Rest in Peace Greg Flack. You were my first boyfriend, I was the first to break your heart. I hope your soul has found the peace you desperately searched for all these years. I can only hope your children also find peace and comfort knowing their father is no longer fighting the demons he fought for so many years. I can’t help to be angry with you also. I am sure you expected that.

Thank you to my old and recent friends for their love, support and understanding through this really fucked up time. One lesson I have recently learned is throughout my life I have chosen amazing people to surround myself with. You all mean so much to me.

Thank you.

1 comment:

Nuclear Mom said...

((Hugs))

Greg's death has been weird for me. I think of him as my first real, real boyfriend. He was the first that broke my heart. We never really spoke after that and I always felt like he hated me so badly. Still you can't help but feel something knowing that his life is over.